In our last post, we discussed the importance of being prepared and patient when venturing into the nether world of anal play. We listed recommended equipment and discussed cleanliness and the types of lube you should use. This post is essential reading for anal newbies, and even for some veterans: with anal as in all other varieties of sex, there is no such thing as too much information.
Here we’ll provide pointers on toys, toy use, pacing, and communication. Together, these posts should give you and your butt-buddy a great start on your anal adventure. And if you want more resources, check out our videos and other posts. Find all of our toy and supply recommendations here.
Use fit-for-purpose toys.
Hair brushes can harbor bacteria, and may not be ideally shaped for pleasure or safety. Toys designed for vaginal use, but only if you can keep it in your hand while using it. The vagina ends at the cervix, so jade and glass eggs, etc. can’t disappear into the body. But our intestines can be as long as 25 feet! You do not want to be the person making a trip to the emergency room for help extracting ben-wa beads or whatever else might get lost in there.
If you’re too self-conscious to venture into a sex-toy shop or buy something, shop online for what you need. Find our favorite online toy shop here. The beauty of in-person shops is that you can hold the item and see it in 3-D, and ask questions of a salesperson. But if you can’t bring yourself to take this step, buying online is also easy. We’re affiliated with a major sex-toy merchant that ships in discreet packaging, as well – great for your privacy, although not as much fun for your neighbors.
When shopping, look for toys designed for anal pleasure – usually with a base that flares out, also known as a “flange.” Flanged toys such as butt plugs can go in nice and snug with no danger of slipping inside. They also tend to be smooth, minimizing the risk of tearing or perforating fragile membranes.
We generally discourage the use of ribbed dildos because of the fragile anal tissue, but you may consider bumpy ones that are specifically designed for anal play, keeping those risks in mind. Keeping your toys anal-appropriate lets you and your partner experience all the pleasure that anal play can provide with none of the danger: a win-win!
Use only your own toys.
Guys: Do not use your woman’s vibrator in your ass! Without her knowledge or with it, you’re still endangering her health. Vibrators can transmit bacteria no matter how thoroughly you clean them, giving your honey a nasty and painful vaginal infection or a urinary tract infection that can even be life-threatening.
If you want to use a vibrator, fine, but get your own, and keep it separate from your vagina-owning partner’s toys so there’s no danger of confusion.
Having said that, certain non-vibrating toys may be fine to share. Glass dildos made by reputable sex-toy manufacturers are safe and smooth so harbor no bacteria (preferable, for this reason, to crystal dildos or those made of other types of stone) and easy to clean and sterilize. You can even pop it in the dishwasher!
Know your body and your partner’s.
When is the most opportune time for poop-free anal play? After a solid bowel movement is best, which means, for many people, in the morning or after lunch. If you have diarrhea or your system is upset, we suggest waiting for another day.
If you’re healthy and feeling fine, but worried about exposure to fecal matter, you may want to douche an hour or two before beginning your play. We fill our douche bottles with a mixture of warm water and lube: you can get complete instructions here.
In spite of all your precautions, though, you may get some poop on your hands, toys, or penis. Beginners, or others on the squeamish side, may want to initiate play in the shower. Make sure to have your lube on hand, though: water is not a lubricant.
If you’re playing on the bed, a “splash” blanket is a good idea. These absorbent, waterproof blankets cover your bed, protect your bedding from stains, and are machine washable and dryer-friendly.
Start slow and start small.The asshole is tight for a reason: it needs to hold in whatever’s waiting to come out until defecation time. This tiny opening makes putting a dildo or penis inside something of a challenge – and intensely pleasurable if you coax the anus, first, to relax.
A lubricated finger with carefully trimmed nails is the best starter – or, better yet, a well-lubed, gloved finger. We like gloves because you can simply strip them off when you’re done, instead of having to run to the sink to wash your hands. They also protect against fingernails, and provide a smoothness that feels so, so good.
Getting fingered in the ass can be exquisite for all sexes, but especially for men, whose prostate gland sits about a finger’s length above the anal opening. Try slipping it in to your lover’s ass while giving him head and wiggling your finger with a “come here” motion. This can drive men wild, intensify his orgasm, and – caution! – even send him over the top before you intend to.
An anal plug is nice after fingering. If you’re new to these, consider buying a set of small, medium, and large-sized plugs. Start with the smallest size and work your way up, if you want, over many sessions or just in one: whichever is most comfortable for your ass.
We wear our plugs for about 20 minutes while having other kinds of sexy fun, then remove them to graduate to something larger. The plug will have softened the asshole and opened it up to accommodate a smallish dildo, if that’s where you’re going next. Anal dildos, like plugs, also come in different sizes, and may come in graduating sets.
Take breaks when you need to.
If your anal exploration hurts at any time, stop. Take a pause so give your sphincter – and maybe your mind – time to relax. Try to force anything in, and you could cause a tear.
If it hurts or even just feels uncomfortable, pause and take some deep, relaxing breaths before continuing. You also might want to remove whatever is inside you for a while, even until your next anal-play session, if that feels best.
Often, though, removing what your body thinks of as an intruder can give your mind and sphincter muscles time to adjust. If you’re spasming, let them subside. Ask yourself: Do I really want to do this? If the answer is “yes,” try again to relax and open up.
If relaxing is difficult, try pushing out, as if you’re using the bathroom. This action can really allow you to take something in without pain.
Communicate with your partner and yourself.
Do only what you’re comfortable doing. Don’t pressure yourself beyond your comfort zone and don’t let anyone else pressure you, either.
If you’re the giver, check in often with your partner to ask how they’re feeling. Pay attention to non-verbal cues, too, such as tightening or sharp intakes of breath, and ask your partner if everything is OK.
In anal play as in sex in general, the recipient, or “bottom,” is the one who should guide the experience. If this is you, and you have difficulty speaking up during sex, anal play will almost certainly teach you how! It’s normal and even mandatory to say, “Hold on,” “Not yet,” “Slow down,” “Wait a minute,” and “Stop” if the sensations become too intense.
Anal intercourse isn’t like vaginal intercourse. The vagina was made for fucking as well as giving birth, and is built to expand and withstand intensity. The anus tends to handle elimination well, but taking something in can be more difficult. Penis owners and dildo wielders need to handle the asshole with care.
So why do it? We suggest you try it, and find out for yourself. Properly approached and nurtured, the humble anus can be a source of intense pleasure and orgasms sending you to the moon and back – pun intended. #Anal play for beginners
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