So, your partner has agreed to let you in their “back door.” Congratulations! Now, we’re going to help you give them so much pleasure that they’ll beg you to come back again soon – or at least not bolt the door the next time you knock.
Thrilling your partner with delicious anal sensations and delightful orgasms is entirely doable, whether they’re a man or a woman. To make this happen, you’ll need the two Ps:
Preparedness and
Patience.
Be prepared.
This means having the right tools on hand, educating yourself about the rules of anal play, and having control of your impulses so you can take the time you need to get your lover’s nether region ready to rock and roll!
Reading this post will give you a great jumping-off point from which to embark on your anal adventures. But we suggest reading and watching the other resources we offer, too, for specifics on pre-anal-play douching, proper hygiene, anal sex toys, asshole preparation techniques, and other information to help ensure the best possible experience for both, or all, of you.
Too many people, especially women, get turned off to anal sex on their first go-round by a partner who’s inexperienced, uninformed, and too eager to fuck before the recipient is ready. If you’re leading the anal play, don’t be that person. The result, for the recipient, can be excruciating pain, even a torn butthole. Ouch!
Try it on for size.
As the initiator or top, the anus is on you (pun intended) to make that first time as pleasurable for your lover as can be. But how can you know what feels good and what doesn’t if you’ve never tried it? This is a vexing question for hetero people who find themselves confronted with a pussy or a dick and not sure how to treat it, since it’s their own anatomy’s opposite.
But assholes are like opinions: everybody has one! This is good news. You can know how anal penetration feels, merely by having it done to you. You can use your own finger or toy, or ask your partner to fuck you with a dildo. Pay close attention to everything: how you respond to different kinds of touch, the magic that lube can bring, how it feels when your ass opens up and how long that takes, the difficulty you might encounter in relaxing your spincter, the experience of gentle versus rough in your ass or even to peg you – fuck you with a strap-on dildo – so you can find out for yourself how it feels. You’ll be better suited, then, to frolic in your partner’s anal playground with sensitivity and care, and to understand why it’s important to go slowly and check in frequently.
But this is only a suggestion. If you don’t want to put anything in your butthole, don’t. We think empathy is everything when it comes to anal play, but we also know that some people simply do not want to go there. Don’t worry! You can still give your partner a great experience by educating yourself about anal sex, talking about it with your partner, and communicating early and often, all throughout your playtime.
Be patient. (And have fun!)
In spite of whatever porn you might have seen, anal intercourse involves a lot more than climbing aboard your lover’s ass and pumping away.We can guarantee that the recipient in these videos gets plenty of anal training, and may wear plugs before filming to open them up in advance. They also, whether you can see it or not, use copious amounts of lube. Do not skimp on lube!
No matter whether you’re using a dick or a dildo, you’ll hurt the one you’re loving if you don’t lead up to penetration verrrry slowly, using great gobs of lubrication as you go. Rushing in also means you’ll miss out on a lot of fun!
Here are steps to a successful, pleasure-filled anal-play party:
Assemble your equipment.
We recommend having these items on hand for the most pleasurable and successful anal experience:
Warm-water-and-lube douche
Condoms
Large container of water-based lube
Anti-bacterial wipes
Towels or washcloths
Latex gloves
A “splash blanket" to cover your play space.
Anal-appropriate toys (see our favorites here). These can be a really nice way to warm yourself or your partner up before penetration.
For more information about these items, see our post on anal myths.
Keep it clean, always.
Getting fecal bacteria anywhere it’s not meant to be – in the mouth, vagina, or urethra – can make you or your partner very ill, even dangerously so.
If rimming (having your anus licked) is a part of your play, make sure that you wash yourself well, and consider trimming or shaving any hair there, if needed. Wash your hands after inserting a finger into your partner’s asshole or your own – or wear gloves and strip them off before moving to other parts of the body.
Set toys aside after they’ve been inside the ass, and don’t touch them until you’re done or until you plan to wash them, and your hands, right away.
Wash your penis after performing anal intercourse, taking special care if you are uncircumcised. Never move from anus to vagina without thoroughly cleansing yourself in between.
Apply lube early and often.
Anuses don’t self-lubricate and they tear easily – so, lube up.
When we say lube, we mean just that. Spitting in your hand is not good enough, and neither is licking your partner’s anus, not even if you drool like a St. Bernard. Using hair conditioner on a hairbrush handle that you insert into your partner’s ass – yes, this is a thing – is not ideal and can cause harm to you or your partner. Conditioner isn’t made for internal use. It could contain irritants such as perfumes, and chemicals. No, thanks! Some people prefer to use coconut oil. That’s ok, but be super cautious when using any oil with condoms. Generally speaking, oil and silicone don’t mix. Hello, broken condom! And have you ever tried to wash oil stains out of your bedclothes? Certain kinds of oil, including olive oil, are actually bad for your skin. Why take chances when made-for-sex lube is so readily available? We recommend using one that’s water-based, especially if you’re using silicone condoms or toys. Silicone-based lubes will degrade the silicone. But we have found that silicone lubes like Uberlube work really well for skin-to-skin contact and penetration. But water-based lube, too, comes with caveats. It dries out quickly, for one thing, so you’ll need to apply copious amounts, frequently. Small plungers to squirt lube into your partner’s asshole can help smooth the passage of a dildo or dick, but they aren’t necessary. If you’re using lube pretty much constantly, whatever you’re inserting will push it up into the rectum. We recommending reapplying lube frequently during your play session.
These are just a few pointers to help make your initial anal-play experiences as enjoyable as can be. We’ll reveal five more in our next post. While you wait, we suggest checking out these resources to educate yourself and your partner so you’ll be ready to plunge (very slowly) right in or if you need an extra push watch our anal play here.